The Thought
by kaitouahiru
Summary: Sirius and Lily would be good together but they could never be together. Severus, James, Remus, and surprisingly Peter all reach that conclusion reluctantly in their own way.


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Pairings: Main: Starcrossed SB/LE. Sub pairings: JP/LE and implied RL/SB

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><p>They would actually be very good together- Sirius and Lily that is. Well, they would be if Sirius could keep a girl for more than a week without hating being tied down or if James and Severus weren't in love with Lily or if Sirius and Remus didn't have their… whatever it was, Sirius and Lily could be a very good couple.<p>

Remus, James, Severus, and somehow Peter, reluctantly came to this conclusion on their own at different times.

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><p>Severus Snape reached the<em> thought <em>first, with revulsion. He hated that he actually believed _Sirius Black_ and _Lily Evans_ could be a couple- and a good one at that. It took him a few times to see them together to realize they could be a good couple.

The first time he saw them and thought the Evil Thought, he was walking by the infirmary. His potion had somehow exploded (and he could have sworn he saw a rat just before the explosion) and he had a nasty cut from his neck to his shoulder. He was about to enter when he heard Sirius's voice. He ducked behind a curtain.

"Really, Black, why aren't you more careful?" Lily demanded in a disapproving voice. "I swear, if I have to patch you up one more time…"

"Well then leave it to Madame Pomfrey," Sirius huffed. "It _is_ her job, you know, not yours. Really, Evans, you're such a worry wart." Severus sneaked a quick glance around the curtain to see Sirius sitting on a hospital bed, sitting up a little taller than he would be due to Lily was standing almost in between his legs but not quite, dabbing his face with cotton.

"Well Madame Pomfrey's not here right now," Lily huffed. "Stay still."

"It stings," Sirius glared at her.

"Well stop getting hit by bludgers and I wouldn't have to do things that sting you," Lily chastised.

"You're a witch. Why don't you use your wand?" Sirius asked, trying to pull back. Lily reached forward and grabbed the back of his head, preventing him from moving.

"So you learn a lesson," Lily said.

"You know if James saw us…" Sirius said slyly, sliding forward and trapping her between his legs. Severus couldn't watch anymore then and closed the door to the infirmary loudly. Sirius and Lily jumped apart and looked up, startled.

"Is Madame Pomfrey here?" Severus asked.

"Severus, you're bleeding!" Lily said, rushing from Sirius to Severus.

"Oi, what about my eye?" Sirius asked.

"You're a wizard, use magic," Lily said. "Severus, sit down. Let me heal this."

"Oi!"

"Never mind, Lily. I'll just heal it myself," Severus said.

"Severus Snape, sit down," Lily demanded and Severus did, because no one accept James Potter wanted to meet the wrath of Lily Evans. Besides, unlike Potter, Severus had way of getting Lily to talk to him without annoying her and igniting her wrath.

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><p>Severus had forgotten about the confrontation for awhile. There wasn't much thought to give. Sirius and Lily bickered when around the other Marauders. They argued in class. They argued in front of the quidditch field. They argued about their points in class, or so Severus heard since he wasn't in all their classes. In subjects like Defense against the Dark Arts and Potions, Sirius (as much as Severus loathed too admit) was usually right. In subjects like History of Magic and Charms, Lily usually was right. Of course, there were times they switched as they always tried to one up the other.<p>

The Evil Thought occurred to him again when he saw Black and Lily together again, sitting together in front of the tree the Marauders usually occupied. Severus had seen Potter and Pettigrew going to the kitchens and Lupin was occupying the library, as usual.

"Why can't you just choose one?" Severus overheard Lily asking Sirius. "You can have your pick- you can have any girl- or guy. Can't you just be loyal?"

"What's wrong, love? Don't like my polygamous ways?" Sirius grinned cheekily.

"You're not married, Sirius, and no, I don't," Lily huffed.

"Oh, Miss Lily," Sirius sighed. "You really don't care who I stay with as long as you remain my favorite girl. You know its true- don't deny it!" Lily didn't answer but turned back to her books with a small smile on her face.

"What is she not denying?" a tired voice asked from behind them. Sirius and Lily looked up with matching smiles.

"Lily says she's jealous of all the girls I date because she wants a piece of me too," Sirius announced.

"I said no such thing," Lily laughed quietly.

"Said she wants to be my favorite girl," Sirius winked, nudging Remus.

"She _is_ your favorite girl. Just don't let James hear you say that," Remus said, sitting down closer than necessary to Sirius. "You can't stand any of the other birds. In fact, you can _only _stand her because she isn't after you like the rest of them."

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><p>When Severus finally took The Evil Thought seriously, it was during fifth year, right after he had called Lily a mudblood. Everything in him screamed with regret as he tried to find the red head. He saw Sirius moving quickly and for some reason, Severus just knew that if he was going to find Lily, he would have to follow Sirius.<p>

"Remus said you'd be out here," Sirius said.

"I… I told Remus to leave me alone," Lily sniffled.

"You also threatened to hex him. That's not nice, Evans," Sirius said. "Besides, I'm not Remus."

"What do you want, Black?" she demanded. She looked up t him and Severus saw her crying. His heart broke.

"I'm sure the prat didn't mean it, you know. Calling you a-"

"Don't say it!" she cried, holding her wand to his throat, her hand shaking. "Don't you dare say it!" Sirius's face lost its easygoing façade and he was serious. Cautiously, he moved his hand up, taking the wand out of Lily's hand. He leaned forward and Severus thought he was going to kiss her but instead, he pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Sirius said. "It was my fault. I should have stopped James." Lily let out a rather loud sob as she cried into Sirius's chest. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and cried, letting her heart out to him. Severus felt awful for intruding.

"H-he w-was m-m-my best fr-friend!" she sobbed. "I _trusted_ him!"

"If it's any consolation, I'm sure he feels just as awful," Sirius said and Severus found himself wishing for once, that Lily listened to Sirius. "And if that doesn't help, James is planning to do something particularly nasty to him. It ends in him covered in this green goo before he goes into the Great Hall-" Severus left then and then for once, he willingly walked into one of the Marauder's pranks.

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><p>Peter, surprisingly, <em>suspected<em> The Thought second. He also _discovered_ it in fifth year like Snape did, but began suspecting earlier than Snape. It was the small things be began noticing.

When they saw the bludger headed towards Sirius, they thought he'd see it in time. When he didn't, Lily was already up, casting a spell to cushion Sirius's landing.

"Sirius!" Remus and Peter stood up. Lily grabbed Remus' hand and pulled him onto the quidditch field. Peter followed behind, noticing how Lily was the one to push her worries aside before Remus and doing what was best for Sirius.

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><p>"Maybe I'll get her roses and I'll have cupids following her around-" James was saying.<p>

"She hates roses, James," Sirius said lightly but there was more meaning behind the light words.

"I know! I'll get her lilies, like her name!" James grinned.

"The pun is only funny when I do it, James," Sirius sighed.

"Give Evans a break," Sirius said and then added hastily. "She'll appreciate you more if you give her a break. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right Remus?"

"If that's the way you see it," Remus said. "Although, I believe absence is more than just a night."

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><p>It wasn't uncommon to see Lily Evans carrying books. However, it was uncommon to see her carrying enough books to almost block her vision. James hadn't noticed Lily walking yet- he was too busy talking to one of his quidditch member about strategy and catching his snitch. Sirius, however, was watching Evan's stack of books wearily. He saw the pile beginning to wobble and he was up in an instant, catching Lily as she tripped.<p>

Everyone else saw Sirius Black passing by and just_ happening _to catch Lily Evans. Peter saw something else entirely. He saw Sirius Black getting up because he knew what would happen. He didn't want Lily Evans to fall. That's when he thought Sirius Black might like Lily Evans.

"Falling for me Evans?" Sirius smirked. "Careful, James might get jealous. Watch yourself." Everyone looked as Sirius righted Lily and he didn't stay to help her pick up her books. Other people had already scrambled to help Lily pick up the books. He walked away, leaving Lily to stare at him. James rushed to her side, drawing her attention away from Sirius's back.

When Lily tried to catch another look at Sirius's back that's when Peter began thinking Lily Evans fancied on Sirius Black.

He tried to counter this crush by pointing out James's good side to Lily. Lily looked surprised but being polite to Peter, she just smiled and patted his shoulder or laughed well naturedly. Remus heard some of Peter's comments and he allowed a small smile to play on his lips. He never participated, just gave that quiet smile of his.

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><p>Peter eventually reached a conclusion that should have been happy. He got what he wanted. It became painfully obvious that Lily and Sirius would never be together. Sirius wasn't even around Lily when Peter made the discovery. Lily had probably been the one of the last things on their minds, for once.<p>

The discovery was made over the summer just before fifth year. The Marauders visited Remus during a full moon, as he was lying on the ground. Sirius was the first to go in, not thinking. James followed after him and Peter went in after them, not wanting to be left behind. Remus was on the floor of the shed he transformed in.

"Why aren't you on the bed?" Sirius asked.

"S-Sirius, you can't be here," Remus moaned.

"Not what I asked," Sirius corrected, slipping one arm under Remus's shoulders and the other under his knees and lifting him up. He laid Remus out on the mattress, letting Remus grip his hand as he went through the pain that happened before the transformation.

"F-floor is c-colder," Remus said, bucking upwards in pain. James joined Sirius at Remus's side. Peter took Remus's other hand and James gently kept Remus from throwing himself off the bed. "Y-you h-have to g-g-go…"

"Not tonight," James said.

"Wh-what? You- gah!" Remus scrunched up his body and gripped Sirius's and Peter's hands tighter as the pain coursed through his body.

"You're okay, you're okay," Sirius whispered, running a hand through Remus's hair.

"You have to go," Remus whispered, letting go of their hands. He tried pushing them away but another course of pain traveled through his body and he curled into Sirius.

"We're not leaving tonight," James repeated.

"What? Peter…" Remus looked at Peter for help, eyes wide and searching for Peter to say no, that they had to get out.

"S-s-sorry, Remus. We're staying," Peter said, grabbing Remus's hand again and squeezing it reassuringly.

"Sirius, you first," James said.

"Alright, take my spot- but no funny business with Remus," Sirius said. James let go of Remus and moved so that Remus's head was on his lap. Sirius made sure Remus was watching before he transformed into a big black dog.

"P-Padfoot… that's why you've been calling him Padfoot?" Remus cried, tears began leaking out of his eyes. "You've b-become an ani- animagus…" Sirius bounded over and began licking the tears off of Remus's face.

"Hey, not just Sirius," James said. "Peter and me did it too." Remus looked up at James and Peter, eyes wide. Peter transformed first, letting go of Remus's hand and transforming into a rat.

"Wormtail…" Remus whispered as Peter crawled onto his chest. He put a hand on Peter, stroking his fur gently. "And Prongs?"

"Best for last, Moony," James grinned proudly, lifting Remus's head up slightly so he could stand up to transform.

"You… you did this for me?" Remus cried. "Thank you…" He used the hand that wasn't caressing Peter to hold Sirius close to him. He crawled back on the floor. Peter was off of his chest now as the transformation began taking place, currently resting on James's antlers. James was at his head, letting him rest on him. Sirius was at his side, resting his head on Remus's chest and allowing Remus to bunch up his fur to hold onto.

And Peter knew, that morning, when Sirius was the one to stay behind and tell Remus how he had been the one to transform first and had actually spent time in the library researching, that Sirius could never date Lily.

He was too loyal to his friends and some part of him cared about Remus more than he let on.

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><p>James didn't suspect anything about Lily and Sirius for a long time. Sirius was his best friend so why would James suspect that Sirius liked the girl of his dreams? Plus, he believed that Sirius and Remus were, maybe not meant for each other (because he was a guy and Sirius would kill him if he heard him using the "meant for each other" line for him), going to be an item one day.<p>

He knew that Lily didn't mind Sirius's company and he was happy about that. It means she liked James's friends. He just didn't know how close they were until the middle of sixth year. He didn't suspect anything. He _knew _it when he saw them together.

"Sirius, this is crazy! I don't even know how to dance!" Lily said. Her words should have had a frustrated tone but she was laughing.

"That's why I'm teaching you, dear Evans!" Sirius laughed.

"By blindfolding me? That makes no sense!" Lily said.

"Not just you, Evans. I'm blindfolding myself!" Sirius said, whipping off his own tie and tying it around his eyes.

"What?" Lily didn't really have any more time to argue as Sirius positioned her easily, even blindfolded. James knew that Sirius knew how to dance very well. He had seen him dance before so he knew that even thought Sirius was pretending to step over Lily's toes, it was just for fun.

"Sirius, I thought you said you knew how to dance!" Lily said indignantly but she was laughing as Sirius twirled her around.

"Oh, but I do! In fact, I promise I won't even drop you!" Sirius said.

"Drop me- what? Sirius, if you drop me-" Lily shrieked.

"I know, you'll hex me! Live a little!" Sirius said, spinning Lily around once more before tightening his hold on her waist and dipping her. He supported her weight with one hand. She reached out blindly, trying to find some balance.

"Ow!" Sirius said when she poked his eye accidentally. He didn't drop Lily but he did fall backwards and pulled Lily with him. He took off his blindfold and held his eye.

"Sirius? Oh, Sirius, I'm so sorry!" Lily said, taking off her blindfold.

"It's okay, Lily," Sirius said, blinking furiously. "My fault, I shouldn't have dipped you." James watched Lily fuss over Sirius for a minute longer until Sirius's eye seemed better. He walked out into the open.

"Hey, mates, what's going on?" James asked. Lily and Sirius jumped apart, looking startled. Sirius was the first to recover.

"Lily is trying to take my eye out, mate," Sirius grinned, shifting his blindfold so if covered his injured eye. "Be careful with this one, eh, Prongs?" Lily huffed in annoyance.

"Honestly, you two! I'm going to find Remus! He's much easier to be around!" Lily said but she was smiling as she walked away.

Even though James knew Sirius liked Lily and Lily liked Sirius after that encounter, James could never bring himself to say, "Okay, Sirius. You should ask Lily out."

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><p>Remus never thought to closely about Sirius's relationships. He knew he fancied the young Black and thinking about Sirius's many conquests wouldn't help him at all. He just smiled understandingly and pretended he didn't notice how well Lily and Sirius got along even though they were arguing half the time.<p>

In seventh year, when Lily was finally showing an interest in James, he finally caught on. He was lying on his side on his bed. Sirius was sitting on the edge of his own, leaning against the support that kept the curtains up. James was getting ready for Head Boy duty. Peter was just about getting ready to leave for a shower when he finally decided to bring it up.

"You two aren't spending as much time as you used too," Remus commented as James left for head boy duties and Peter was in the shower. Sirius tensed.

"She's finally showing an interest in James," he said.

"So you stop spending time together?" Remus asked with a raised eyebrow.

"So she's James's girl," Sirius said. "Or will be."

"You like her," Remus said.

"What? I do not!" Sirius said indignantly. "Can you imagine me with… with-!"

"With a girl who doesn't hang on your every word because of your looks and actually talks_ to_ you instead of agreeing with everything you say? With a girl who enjoys spending time with us altogether and each of us individually? With a girl who can keep you on your toes and isn't afraid to put you in your place? No, Pads, I can't imagine that at all," Remus said sarcastically. He turned his attention back to his book and then looked back in surprise when Sirius pulled his book away from behind; close enough so that Remus could feel Sirius's breath on his ear.

"Sounds a lot like you, Moony," Sirius whispered before getting up to go lie down on his own bed.

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><p>"I asked her out! She said <em>yes<em>!" James shouted, bursting into the dormitory several weeks later. After a moment's shock, Sirius got off the bed and grinned, pulling James into a hug.

"That's brilliant mate! And it only took you seven years!" Sirius said. Peter and Remus both looked at Sirius with looks of concern. Peter thought that Sirius was completely and totally happy for James and therefore must have gotten over his crush on Lily so he went to go congratulate James. Remus knew better. Remus knew that Sirius was using the happy exterior to hide his feelings and so after congratulating James and turning off the light, he opened the curtains to Sirius's bed and lay down without a word.

"Thanks Moony," Sirius whispered before he transformed into a dog. When James and Peter woke up and found them in Sirius's bed, they let them believe Remus had another nightmare and crawled into bed with Sirius again. There was no need to correct anything.

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><p>Lily knew she was attracted to Sirius. Who wouldn't be, with the hair that girls envied or the body of a God? Or the award winning smile or the mischievous smile when he was pulling a prank? The list went on and on. She didn't realize it when her friends kept teasing and asking her about Sirius when she came back from spending time with him. She didn't realize it when a bludger slammed into him and she instinctively grabbed her wand to save him and then grabbed Remus and running to him. She didn't realize it when he held her tight after Severus had called her a mudblood or when Sirius happened to be walking by to stop her fall.<p>

She knew when she was sitting alone in her dorm in third year, thinking about the way Sirius had been the one to pick Remus up after he collapsed in the hallway and had taken him to the infirmary. She began thinking about Sirius's feelings towards Remus and then found herself feeling upset and then Alice told her James was calling her downstairs.

She went reluctantly to find Sirius on the couch behind James, who was presenting her with forget-me-nots.

She knew she liked Sirius when she found herself wishing the flowers were from Sirius.

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><p>Sirius knew he was attracted to Lily. He didn't discover it any special way. He hadn't walked in on one of Lily's protective moments (or looked back on, in his case) like Snape had. It wasn't when he was falling down to his possible death off of his broom like Peter had seen. Nor was it when he was teaching Lily how to dance or just joking around while they were dancing like James had seen. He didn't realize it when he began spending less time with her and Remus had mentioned how they would look good together, not that he knew his friends and Snape had walked in on those moments.<p>

As they were getting off the train for the summer after third year, Sirius had given Lily his address, even knowing there was no way she'd be able to get a hold of him. He found himself jealous of Remus, James and Peter who would be able to get letters from Lily.

He knew he liked her when a letter arrived at his house by owl with a letter that was ten words and an initial long in neat scrawl.

_I told you I'd find a way to write you._

_L.E._

With the resigned thought that they couldn't be together in seventh year, Sirius was about to drop the letter into the fire. He held the letter above it and then let it go, watching as the fire began to consume it.

"_Aguamenti_," Sirius turned around, surprised, when the fire was doused with water. He stood facing Remus who walked over to the fire place and pulled it out, whispering a drying spell, saving what was left of it.

"She's still a part of you," Remus said.

"But you-"

"I have you," Remus said gently. "I'm not going to make you give her memory up."

And it was with that line that Sirius folded the letter carefully and put it in his pocket, knowing they could never be and he didn't need to burn a letter to prove it.

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><p>It was when Harry was born to Lily and James that it finally and completely sank into everyone that Lily and Sirius were fated to never be together. Lily looked at Sirius with tired and hoping wide eyes, holding her son out to him.<p>

"Hold your godson?" she whispered.

"My… godson?" Sirius asked in wonder.

"We want you to be the godfather," Lily said. Sirius nodded and took the baby from Lily, staring at him with wide eyes.

It was Harry's finger wrapping around Sirius's own that sealed their fate.


End file.
